ESTHERACEA

There is a destination in mind

2011-09-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

My focused job search, was only focused for about a week, and then something happened.

I realized that I didn't know what I wanted.

"What makes you happy? What gets you out of bed in the morning?" I asked myself.

A large part of me wanted to ignore this question, and many times I did for weeks, but a few nights ago the truth was knocking on my door. I cannot continue doing what I do now and expect to feel happy and fulfilled in the long run. I've got it narrowed down to: Scientific Research and outdoor activities. That's the result of six months of laying in bed wide awake and thinking, miles of running, and having many friends and coworkers ask me what I want.

Each time the question was asked it was like a bomb going off in my head, anxiety, and a feeling of irritation would consume me. It's nice to have people interested in getting to know me, but this one seemingly innocent question came up often. When you have a part-time job doing something a high school kid could do, and you have a Masters degree in Biology, it raises eye brows.

Since the first step to recovery is admitting to have a problem, I must admit my problem. I am afraid of failing, afraid of people thinking that I am stupid, and I don't want to lose the bit of confidence I have. Which is why I like the no stress undemanding job I have. These feelings are normal and common. People have them all the time and have amazing careers. With that information you would think that I could just shrug my shoulders and start applying for jobs right?

References

2011-02-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

After a few years of working on my masters degree and then jumping right into a job at a community college I didn't have much time to catch my breath and think about what I really want. I try to make sure that I allocate time to this very important task of assessment after each major stage of life.

The result? Once again I find myself missing scientific research. I must also mention that there is a part of me that misses teaching.

Over the last couple of months I have had a chance to look back at the many role models that I have had. In about every case that role model has been either a teacher or employer. Especially now as I put together my new updated resume I'm amazed how many people have helped to shape the path of my interests and career. To my surprise I am still in touch with all but one of these people, amazing!

Why am I writing all this? Because I am happy. Happy to hear from all the important people in my past, and to hear that they are all doing well.

This kicks off a focused job search...

Great blogs for inspiration

2010-11-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Many of these blogs have been read by me and I'm sure many others since they started, a couple are new to me. They are all great for good tips and inspiration, but also have some entertainment value.

That being said, I'm not sure why it took 3 years for me to act on what I was reading. Maybe that is how long it takes someone to change a well ingrained way of thought.

These links inspire simple living with less, and how to get there
Zen Habits
Miss Minimalist
Unclutter

While these links showcase living small, and some ideas of how and where
Inhabit
Apartment Therapy (or small house)
Tiny House

This chick is now well known and has an article in the New York Times
Rowdy Kittens

When you look at these blogs you'll notice that they are all aware of each other, so be sure to look at some of their links as well, you'll most likely find more great inspiration!

Everything is better in Seattle

2010-11-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting in our new little apartment on the left coast. 425 feet of warm cozy home! We have a view of the Cascades and on clear days of Mt. Rainer. My dream come true, I can walk to 3 grocery stores, 6 parks, many many places to eat, and to just about any other store you can imagine.

We downsized our 1,225 sq ft apartment in SC so that everything we owned would fit into a 9x8x5 ft metal moving cube. We thought we were rock stars with our new minimalist way of life. Yes it was a puzzle to get it all to fit, and yes our car was full as well, but we thought we were great. For about 2 weeks.

After the liberating 2 week trip across the country reality hit when we unloaded the moving cube. The unload took 2 hours. Much better than the 10 hours it took to unload the truck we packed to move to SC, that was the good news. The bad news, during the two hours of unloading we watched the poorly designed 425 feet of space disappear. We were once again slapped in the face by all our "stuff" as it took over all our living space.

With that said, I love Seattle. It's raining today, just the weather I need to look though my possession and continue getting rid of stuff!

Some people don't understand - isn't more stuff a good thing?

2010-03-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend my parents came to visit, which was wonderful! Although they spent much time telling us we were nuts for wanting a small house. My father, who is a very smart man, believes that the bigger the house the easier to clean ie. put stuff somewhere. I thought he would find my idea that - if you have less stuff that needs putting away you will need less space - very great, but instead he seemed to think it was a bad idea. This surprised me since my parents are not into having lots of stuff. I am still confused about what they think.

While I remain confused about what my parents think, I am not confused about what I want... less stuff to deal with, worry about, and clean!!!

My plans now are focused on determining how much space we will eventually want in our small home. How much storage space do we need, how much cupboard space, how much clothing storage space, how big of a fridge and do we need a freezer.

To do this I have devised some methods, such as filling our fridge with gallon water jugs, to make it smaller and be able to adjust space. Also the jugs have the added benefit of making our fridge more efficient.

I would like to make one point, down sizing does not mean sacrificing what you need to be happy, it is a mind set to observe what you need to be happy and to get rid of the things that just get in the way of your happiness. You need to learn about yourself and your values. For example, I love to cook and have people over, so I will need to make sure I have an oven, dishes, and a table. I know for a fact that I don't need more than 300 square feet to have a good time with friends sitting at a table. I value the company of friends and their comfort, but not my ability to impresses with fancy dishes or things. I value simple good tasting meals and a happy friendly relaxed atmosphere.

Long-term unstuffing

2010-03-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

Unstuffing to the extreme has proven to be a long term project. I feel like I purged many things, but there is still so much left! This might partly be due to the many things I want to get rid of on craigslist which are packet in our linen closet, or it may be due to the over whelming amount of stuff to sort through!

I am not sure if other people have the same problem areas, but for me downsizing clothing, kitchen, hobby stuff, and books have proven difficult. With the clothing and kitchen stuff, it will simply take time to monitor what I use on a day to day basis.

Unstuffing

2010-03-12T06:36:00.000-08:00

I am not alone! If you do a search about clutter, you will find many many sites dedicated to cleaning out the clutter. For example: unclutterer.com. My only criticism is the one week of uncluttering that a woman video blogs about. She has the brilliant idea of saying "it feels so good to get rid of all the stuff, and best of all I have more room to get more stuff" can you believe it!

Well folks, I think I have reached a point where buying more stuff, even thinking about buying more stuff, makes me sick to my stomach.

When we had our friends here in SC over to our apt for the first time I was afraid that they would think less of us because we only had dishes for 4 and had to supplement with reusable plastic tableware. Then I had my morning coffee and came to my senses! We have great friends here that came to hang out and eat together, nobody gives a shit about our dishes!

Let me mention Hoarding Disorder a new addition to to the DSM.

So it began the- THE GREAT UNSTUFFING!

What is it about 'STUFF'

2010-03-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

Why is it that people like and want stuff. Why do so many of us want more stuff? I was at the store yesterday and over heard a girl say "I would love to have all of this" and then she added "If only I could afford to buy it all this stuff!"

She was looking at some very colorful house decorating things, none of which are vital to a comfortable attractive home. So again, why do we want more stuff?

When I was younger, I always wanted more stuff, I liked stuff, and I thought that my bed room was messy because I didn't have the necessary organizing... yes, stuff. So to clean up and organize my 'stuff' I needed to buy more 'stuff'!?!?

When J and I were moving to SC, I had much of our non-daily used 'stuff' packed away a month before we were going to move. I thought we would 'get by' with what I left out. Turns out what I left out was just what we needed, easy to clean, easy to put away, nothing extra, no stuff laying around, which lead to .... Happiness!

Then after we moved into our larger new apartment we unpacked 'what we needed' and were very happy still.

It happened weeks later. I started opening boxes of stuff, boxes filled with stuff, stuff we had not used or thought about for 6 months. I even found a couple boxes of stuff from when I moved in with J five, that's 5 years ago. I have clothes that have been in my closet for 4 years, and I have never worn them!

All this stuff! Take it away!

Welcome to Estheracea

2009-04-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

Hello to all! Welcome to my new blog! I was inspired to start this because I recently purchased an amazing new digital camera and because my husband Jason and I are soon to start a new life. Jason as a full blown real tenure track professor at Winthrop University in South Carolina, and I will experience life after a graduate degree. I hope to have many pictures, stories, and some recipes to share!

The title comes from one of my close friends who started calling me Estheracea while learning scientific tree names such as Aceraceae which is the scientific name for the Maple Tree Family.