Where the rivers run and the mountains tower

Through out the year I feel an almost irresistible need to pack my pack and go somewhere.  There have been a few years when staying in one place was tolerable, and a few years when two months in one place was agony. I confess, a few times I even packed my bag just because it made me feel better to know that if I had a chance I could leave in a heart beat.

Is it the arrival of spring that ignites this burning desire to travel, explore, and run away? Is it the filing of taxes (which I did in late Feb. btw) which remind me of the passing of another year? Why and how are there so many people around me content to spend their time in a 10 mile radius, are they happier than me? or just different?

At times when I was young,  I would tell my parents I was staying with a friend and I would drive out to the mountains. I went alone. I loved the quiet clear moonlit nights. It was liberating. I was free.

These days I have responsibilities, no children, but a family and a full time job. My pack is ready and packed for a trip to the pool or the climbing gym, and I feel my freedom most while on a long run or bike ride. I minimize our worldly possessions and I feel a bit more freedom (less time cleaning!). But mostly these last couple years I daydream about spending more time in the mountains, in the forests, on the snow fields, and on the rocks.

Maybe this will be the year I feed my soul with a weekly diet of clear mountain air, and a sunrise or two...

"Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think"

One of the best weekends in a LONG LONG time!

 The weekend started early on Friday evening when J and I had dinner with a good friend from graduate school. Thai for dinner, and they even had mango sticky rice!

The following day we got up early and picked up the co-worker that had been nice enough to invite us to come along for a tour. A back country ski tour. Something I have been wanting to do for months now... and some could say years. It was an amazing day of blue sky, bright white snow, and pushing our out of shape bodies further than they wanted to go... but not too far that we couldn't go rock climbing the next day!

We didn't complete the loop that the group we started with started. They were going around Chair Peak. We split off from one group and found another smaller group of skiers that we followed out along Snow Lake and back over to Source Lake and from there back to the parking area.

I felt like our shorter tour was a perfect length for our level of PNW snow experience and our current lack of physical fitness. Amazingly I felt like we were set gear wise, although we need to buy J an avalanche beacon of his own. Ski crampons and possibly whip-its might be nice to have in the future...

What a wonderful day, good fun, good people!!!

The following day we got up early once again, but this time to go climbing. We drove over the Cascades to a rock formation locally referred to as Vantage. Our muscles were sore, but our spirits were high, and pretty soon we were climbing in the warm sun.

 It was amazing to go from winter the day before to summer, and to spend 2 wonderful days with good company. I'm constantly surprised by the people I meet, so much talent! Amazing photographers, rad skiers, and spider monkey like climbers. I love the pacific northwest.

 My muscles are still sore from two very active days in the mountains and sun, but I feel recharged and ready for more fun!

Who am I ?

How do you know if you are being yourself?

Do you define yourself by what you do to earn a living? By where you live, or what you eat? Do your clothes make you who you are?

Last week I realized that I don't know who I am. Most of my life was spent trying to be someone else. When I was little my father was very supportive, but as I got older and my father remarried a new dynamic was added to my life. My parents would constantly tell me about other people's kids and how awesome and amazing they were, and they would always suggest how great it would be if I was more like said child. I love my father very much and would do anything to make him happy. This parenting approach was good in many ways; I've accomplished quite a bit over the years, but it was rather detrimental as well.

When I realized that I have spent years doing things to make others happy and not myself I felt my heart skip a beat. How could I have let this happen, how could I not see this happening!?!

Deep breath.

I hit the reset button, remember? Fresh start.

I'm working a job that makes me feel happy, not fully satisfied, but happy. Most importantly not stressed. There are a few facets missing that with time I think I can satisfy. Need to find a way to do some teaching and a bit of science or research. Most of all I want to climb, ski, and travel as much as I can right now while my body still works.

I can see myself being very happy doing what I love.